Absolutely unrenowned Spoof patheticist, Skoob1999 tonight, on the anniversary of the birth of baby Jesus, finally came clean, and admitted to the world, that he isn’t the Mister Nice Guy person as popularly perceived, an image which he loves to project as a public persona.

Rather, he is an archetypal Manc robdog, with the morals of an alley cat, as he admitted to us about eight seconds ago.

It transpires, that Skoob is not a nice person at all, not somebody who cares for his fellow man, just a dirty filthy cheating, lying, scumbag who deserves a serious kicking.

Skoob made his admission – that he cheated in the Spoof chess championships, by using a Nintendo DS – to play renowned Spoofer Monkey Woods.

Having been previously scuppered by a sucker move at the world’s greatest board game, Skoob, pathetic shite that he is, resorted to a Nintendo DS programme to play for him, thinking that the outcome would be hysterically funny.

It wasn’t.

The Thailand based Monkey immediately went on the attack, whilst Skoob – the dirty, cheating low life bastard – sacrificed piece after piece in the name of Nintendo.

Which doesn’t necessarily signify any degree of expertise, or strategical acumen, merely that Skoob is basically, a bit of a twat.

As Christmas morn loomed, the scumbag Salfordian conceded the game on account of a marauding pawn on the A file, which would almost inevitably have led to an eventual victory for Woods – who supports Hull City through no fault of his own.

A distraught Skoob, told Skoob World news:

“I’m as sick as a parrot. Gutted. Could have forced a draw if not for following that stupid Nintendo. Of course, it was too little, too late by that point. I shouldn’t have cheated – in the long run, such a tactic has shattered my reputation as a decent, upstanding chap. I’m just ashamed. I hope this news never becomes public knowledge.”

World Spoof chess champion, Monkey Woods said that essentially, Skoob’s pathetic grovelling apologies, simply reinforced what he already knew – that Skoob is a fraud.

Woods then went to bed, only to discover that some woman from Stoke on Trent was sleeping under his bed. Snoring loudly. After having earlier discovered a number of unidentified people talking bollocks.

Strange things happen at Christmas…

More when we sober up.